Telling the Loud Voice to Shut Up

I have been going to a couple of counsellors recently named Mike and Nancy. They are a couple who go to my parent's church, and talking to them really helps.

I asked them the other night if they ever had voices in their heads taunting and mocking them, about something they had or hadn't done. 

Mike raised an eyebrow and asked, "Could you give an example?"

Well, I explained, I read books, and hear sermons and such, and there's such a huge push to do this, and do that, and that only when I have a handle on it, will I be being a true disciple. So because I fairly consistently fail to do these things, there are these strong thoughts in my head which are angry and disgusted at me because of my continual failures. 

Mike had some pretty strong feelings on this subject. He vehemently declared that Christianity was falling under the Law system as easily as the disciples had in the early church, only sacrifices and ceremonial cleanliness was being replaced by 'Read Your Bible Every Day' and 'Get Involved in Your Local Church'.  And such things as that. The idea being that when one jumps through all the hoops one will of course be in God's Better Books than if one had not. 

I understand this thinking. I understand the franticness inside me, that honestly longs to do what is right, but when faced with the list of things I am required to do, I must admit, I cannot do them. I struggle to faithfully read and meditate on my Bible. I struggle to get involved at my church. I am a rotten pray-er. 

A missio to China, Hudson Taylor, has a quote that strikes me:

How then to have our faith increased? Only by thinking of all that Jesus is, and all He is for us: His life, His death, His work, He Himself as revealed to us in the Word, to be the subject of our constant thoughts. Not a striving to have faith, or to increase our faith, but a looking off to the Faithful One seems all we need; a resting in the Loved One entirely, for time and for eternity. 

It's when I lay my life before Christ in simple forms, "Lord, this day is yours and I'm yours. What next, Papa?" and then just be willing to be obedient to whatever he would nudge me towards, that I feel the most peaceful. Trying to scurry like a hamster in a rotating wheel to keep up with what people indicate is required is tiring and perhaps missing the point.

If I'm available to what God would say, and not constantly kicking into myself because of what I don't do, then I think that is what God requires.

Mike also said something which I found good:

The World's Voice is Harsh and General, the Holy Spirit's Voice is Gentle and Specific. 

So that loud taunting in my head is NOT from God. So I think I will tell it to SHUT UP.