Pretty much having no choice but to just lie here. Counting the bugs in my Lightbulb. Trying to pray. Trying to read good things.
I go to a get-together/Bible discussion-y thing every Wednesday.
It's lead by a wise dude named Pete, the kind who would have an Owl as his Animal Doppelganger.
We eat tea together (there are about six or seven of us), and then sit down and drink tea and chat about things. We've been reading through a chapter of the Bible and talking about that.
I don't find it easy at this study...kinda often feel out of it, and that the contributions I come up with are slightly ridiculous...or seem to be. It's impossible to be objective with oneself! But some pretty deep stuff has come out of it.
At the end of the night, we all say things we want to do/think about/etc. in the upcoming week. I remember Pete mentioning how a song was playing in his brainwaves, and how he was finding it intriguing. He said his goal for the week was to think about the words of this song.
I was listening to the same tune today, and apart from it's marvellous guitar rift (Duh Duhnna Dun Dah), it does have some pretty cool words:
So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell,
blue skies from pain.
Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail? A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?
And did they get you trade your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees? Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change? And did you exchange
a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?
How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl,
year after year,
running over the same old ground. What have we found?
The same old fears,
wish you were here.
Notice, none of them are Pink....more of a greyish black and white....
So I've been thinking about life and theology and how the world works, and how God works, and how much I wish you were here, Jesus, so we could talk about everything!
I don't want to be on social tranquillizers all my life. I want to be able to walk with God through pain, joy, grief, delight....to love others with all the love of God....to not think of myself, but others only.
Just the scattered thoughts of someone who can do nothing but be almost entirely utterly self-focused at the moment. Ohhh boy.