Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Anti-Depressant Baby

Lately, whenever I feel miserable I go over to my friend’s house. She is a foster carer, and lately has been looking after a little four-month old baby boy. 

My friend is very easy-going, so I hobble over there, and she puts this little bundle in my lap. I tell him how delightful he is in a dozen different pitches and tones, then cuddle, and feed him. He is an amazing little fellow, his giggle was like an injection of Happiness. I told him all my jokes, and I think he likes them. His smile is sooo cute. Excellent depression deterrent. Would recommend it to anyone. A rare phenomenon indeed, such a tiny human who can remove gloom. 

Today, I got a surprise call from my best friend Hanwen. She happened to casually mention that she was in town. I took this news calmly….flung my phone across the room, and limped out to see her.

We had awesome lunch together. She takes my odd method of getting things off my brain very well. I fling question after question at her, unloading all the holsters at once, and she responds by playing ‘Aim the French-Fry', listening, and offering some thoughts. It was just good. She’s just good. It was sad to see her leave on the bus.

I got home, and had Mum greet me and tell me that my little Bub was gone. His real family was no longer acting in a good safe way, and he needed to be moved on to a different family for his own safety. Out of town. Away.

I just feel so rotten about it. He was just so special and I just loved the little guy, you know? And now I never get to be part of his life again. Just feels like a kick in the guts. I went to my room and cried.

My family says, “Trust God, Kat. Trust God that He has this under control and will provide Bub with a good loving Christian family.”

I have to leave it in God’s hands, there’s nil all I can do.

Just gonna miss him is all. He gave me something to love outside myself. 

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