Monday, December 6, 2010

Indiana Haase and the Huntsmen of Doom

Had a rather horrifying moment driving home not long ago.

I'm driving along the highway...after having dinner with some of my awesome older friends, Anne and Bill.

Suddenly, the Sinister and Threatening Silhouette of an Ultra-Large Huntsmen creeps across my vision... and to my absolute Horror, I realize it's jutting towards me...That Spider is INSIDE my car!!!

Hurriedly, and only 27% safely, I jerk the car onto the side of the road, and quickly extricate myself, all the while making high pitched squeaks of Horror.
It's funny how absolutely one's psyche demands personal removal from Spider if the little buggers are just going to bare their fangs, and leap for the Jugular, and begin to: "NOM NOM NOM!"

Removing my shoe, and darting my eyes around like a Trained Killer, I jog the dashboard, and get the Invader into position. With an almighty THUMP, I whip my shoe onto the top of it's bare, hairy head. But this is no ordinary spider. This is obviously some kind of well-trained Kamikazee Spider.

Because when I hit the durn thing, it Dropped to the floor of my car...and no matter how gingerly I searched, I couldn't locate it.
I wanted to give it another THUMP, because upon examination of my shoe, the complete lack of Spider Guts convinced me that it was alive, and only slightly wounded, inside my car....just waiting to take revenge.

Realizing with an unreasonable shiver that I had pulled over in front of the Juvenile Justice Centre, I knew I had to return to my Spider-infested car and get home somehow.
This was not easily achieved, as I was afraid to touch the floor....petrified of the Creeping Legs that were bound to return when I was least prepared....

Laugh Not, Cruel Arachnid! I Will Have my Revenge, and you Will Die!

And as Colin Buchanan so aptly puts it:

Don't help a spider out of his troubles
Cause he won't listen to you
You'll soon find yourself on the wrong side
 of A Stomping Foot or Insecticide....

1 comment:

  1. bahahahahH!! i can see it now, ....i should send you a pet spider....