Sunday, December 5, 2010

A Dart to the Heart

Very good weekend. One of those hill-top moments, when the clouds clear, and you can see the view again. Loved it.

We had our Cornerstone Gathering on, which means endless catchups, challenges and joy.

At the end of it all, my bestie Hanwen and I sat on the muddy pavement, watching the Giant Rainbow that arched across the sky right in front of us.

We talked about God and how he works, and struggles, and everything a good D+M consists of.

After a while, Hanwen's man-friend, Gil, came and sat down beside us.

In the course of discussion, while pestering them with some question or other, trying to grasp the meaning of what they were saying, Gil suddenly spoke up,

"This may sound kinda weird but, maybe it's not something you can grasp. Maybe you have to realize that God actually loves you."

I did not, of course, get an eyeful of tears at this moment or anything *cough*.

I guess Gil had a Holy Spirit brainwave, cause his words sent a Dart to my Heart.

When I look at my life for the past while, I see the opposite of love: AKA Fear is the dominating factor. And being so fearful of torment. And being afraid of being tormented actually is Torment...

And the scary thing about torment is that it blinds you to the LOVE that fills your life. As I began to raise my eyes beyond my own fearful heart, I saw that all through the weekend, and the past weeks, gifts from God have come in so many different shapes, blessing me endlessly.
My sister made me milkshakes and myriad cuddles, friends sat by me when I was insecure. They have built me up with their words, and served me with their possessions. I am so truly amazingly blessed...!

So why is it so damn hard to translate all this blessing and love to God, He who loves me.

It's no wonder the future can look so grim, because the long lanes of something devoid of the sunshine of God's Love is as bleak and creepy as:

instead of this.

I don't want my life to be ruled by this stinking Fear!
No fear exists where his love is. Rather, perfect love gets rid of fear, because fear involves punishment. The person who lives in fear doesn't have perfect love.
I John 4:18

I'd like to learn something of this Perfect Love....

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