Surrendering to God

http://nothing-new-under-the-sun.blogspot.com/2010/11/surrendering-to-god.html

Interesting Blog Post by a guy named Byron Smith. Check it out if you get a minute.

Mellor's Miracles and Muddles

I was just at the healing meeting held by a guy called John Mellor.

Tall guy, charismatic. Wearing a soft pink shirt....

So he talks about how healing happens. He prays over some people. He puts hands over the affected area, and yells various things including, "Shuum! Shuum!" And, "Free, now Jesus, NOW! NOW!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ED84QFuhN0 is a link to some of the stuff he's done.

It was weird. He prayed for person after person. He prayed for a guy in a wheelchair, and the dude's foot starts jumping around. The guy in the chair stares at his foot, rather puzzled.

"That hasn't happened before..."

Like, so many people said they could feel the difference. Most praised God. About twenty prayed for Jesus to become Lord of their lives. One guy threw his arms up in the air screaming, "Ashutuiposhugnu! Nyeghytuihpoto!" John dealt with that by slaying him in the Spirit. The guy went down. John shook his head. "You scared the livers out of me, mate."

There was a LOT of slaying in the Spirit. Sometimes he'd try and do it, and nothing would happen....the person would just blankly stare. Other times, he'd barely look in their direction and they started yelling and writhing on the floor. It was almost like he did it for fun, pointing his finger at them, and watching them drop.
 At one time, there were so many splayed across the floor, it looked like a War Zone.

Meanwhile, I'm sitting there, in a lot of pain. As the night goes on, the pain gets worse and worse....I haven't sat up for so long in two months. I grumbled to myself, "The Longer I sit here waiting to be healed, the more I need it!"

John turns to the crowd and announces that he will be praying for the whole of the crowd, and stretching out his hand towards the large auditorium, he begins to do so.

I place my hands on my back, and pray for healing. I hope for healing. I'm afraid of healing.

Nothing happens. Perhaps I relax a little. But no relief from the tension and pain.

He prayed for a lot of people. And everyone there was stretching out their own hands to whomever had been prayed for, all asking God for healing.

The friends who I had come with, announce they wish to leave. My car is parked over in the dark, so I leave, too, and get a ride to my car. This happens to coincide with the time that John declares everyone is welcome to come to the front to be prayed for.

It was sort of funny. I was sitting next to a chiropractor in the car, who asked me about my back difficulties, and offered to see me if I so wished. So I don't know if that was a bit of God-Intervention.

So the facts of the night.
- I chickened out of getting prayed for.
- I'm a confused mess.
- I think I'm a Pharisee, that I saw those people claim to be feeling better, and my heart is unchanged.
- My own pastor spoke out the front about how his neck was free of it's chronic pain.
- So all this good stuff happened, and I am unmoved.
- I don't feel like praising God.
- I feel like turning on Scrubs and ignoring everything that just happened, because I'm so damn frustrated by it.

I'm so frustrated that the people who really were demonstrably ill, mentally damaged, and in wheelchairs, and such didn't seem to receive healing anywhere near as much as those who had diseases no one could see or judge easily.

But I don't wanna have a hard heart in this! I don't know why God would only reach out sometimes, I don't have the fuzziest. So I fled. (Also, the pain is fairly severe....)

John kept assuring people that if they weren't healed immediately, it was highly likely that they would be healed in the next hour, day or week. In fact, "You might wake up tomorrow morning, pain free! Praise God, folks, we're seeing miracles here!"  And Kaity limps out the auditorium. I guess group prayer is not very effective. I guess healing only happens under the right circumstances, with the right person, when God is in the right mood.

So maybe I will wake up tomorrow with my pain gone.

Who knows?
 I hope so. I'm sore.

Filched Quote

“I wish I could go back and talk to myself when I was twenty. I’d say to myself “listen, don’t worry about the things you’ve been worrying about. Everything is going to work out great.” And I’d likely clarify with myself that “In the future I get everything I need?” And I’d say back to myself “No, you just realize you didn’t need it. And that’s even better.”

Don Miller.

My World is Shrinking

It's been a pretty good day.

Today I have been swimming trying to get my back back.

I went to a Bible study thing tonight that has about twenty young people go. I like to make lots of jokes there...pretend I'm the funny guy.

And my friend Jess came round today to cheer me up. Even though she struggles from depression, she came and plopped down at my desk chair and announced she was staying for two hours.

It was good of her; it's what I need at the moment. My world is shrinking by the day...and I'm enjoying human contact less and less as time goes on. Even family. Gah!~I make my sisters feel unwelcome when they come into my room...I just wanna be on my own- Gah~! Warning Warning!

This back better get better soon...

There's a healing meeting on tomorrow night in Dubbo; a guy called John Mellor
is coming to do a few healing meetings.

Don't know what I should do...

Anti-Depressant Baby

Lately, whenever I feel miserable I go over to my friend’s house. She is a foster carer, and lately has been looking after a little four-month old baby boy. 

My friend is very easy-going, so I hobble over there, and she puts this little bundle in my lap. I tell him how delightful he is in a dozen different pitches and tones, then cuddle, and feed him. He is an amazing little fellow, his giggle was like an injection of Happiness. I told him all my jokes, and I think he likes them. His smile is sooo cute. Excellent depression deterrent. Would recommend it to anyone. A rare phenomenon indeed, such a tiny human who can remove gloom. 

Today, I got a surprise call from my best friend Hanwen. She happened to casually mention that she was in town. I took this news calmly….flung my phone across the room, and limped out to see her.

We had awesome lunch together. She takes my odd method of getting things off my brain very well. I fling question after question at her, unloading all the holsters at once, and she responds by playing ‘Aim the French-Fry', listening, and offering some thoughts. It was just good. She’s just good. It was sad to see her leave on the bus.

I got home, and had Mum greet me and tell me that my little Bub was gone. His real family was no longer acting in a good safe way, and he needed to be moved on to a different family for his own safety. Out of town. Away.

I just feel so rotten about it. He was just so special and I just loved the little guy, you know? And now I never get to be part of his life again. Just feels like a kick in the guts. I went to my room and cried.

My family says, “Trust God, Kat. Trust God that He has this under control and will provide Bub with a good loving Christian family.”

I have to leave it in God’s hands, there’s nil all I can do.

Just gonna miss him is all. He gave me something to love outside myself. 

Did They Get You to Trade Your Heroes for Ghosts?

I'm stuck, lying on my bed, hour after hour. Drowning my inability to do anything helpful in a few hundred games of Solitaire and watching every episode of Scrubs ever made Twice.
Pretty much having no choice but to just lie here. Counting the bugs in my Lightbulb. Trying to pray. Trying to read good things.

I go to a get-together/Bible discussion-y thing every Wednesday.

It's lead by a wise dude named Pete, the kind who would have an Owl as his Animal Doppelganger.

We eat tea together (there are about six or seven of us), and then sit down and drink tea and chat about things. We've been reading through a chapter of the Bible and talking about that.

I don't find it easy at this study...kinda often feel out of it, and that the contributions I come up with are slightly ridiculous...or seem to be. It's impossible to be objective with oneself! But some pretty deep stuff has come out of it.

At the end of the night, we all say things we want to do/think about/etc. in the upcoming week. I remember Pete mentioning how a song was playing in his brainwaves, and how he was finding it intriguing. He said his goal for the week was to think about the words of this song.

I was listening to the same tune today, and apart from it's marvellous guitar rift (Duh Duhnna Dun Dah), it does have some pretty cool words:

So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell,
blue skies from pain.
Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail? A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?

And did they get you trade your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees? Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change? And did you exchange
a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?

How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl,
year after year,
running over the same old ground. What have we found?
The same old fears,
wish you were here.

-------------------------------------------

This song is called Wish You Were Here. 

These are the dudes who sung it, they're called Pink Floyd:
Notice, none of them are Pink....more of a greyish black and white....







So  I've been thinking about life and theology and how the world works, and how God works, and how much I wish you were here, Jesus, so we could talk about everything!
I don't want to be on social tranquillizers all my life. I want to be able to walk with God through pain, joy, grief, delight....to love others with all the love of God....to not think of myself, but others only.

Just the scattered thoughts of someone who can do nothing but be almost entirely utterly self-focused at the moment. Ohhh boy.

Attention Span of a Trout

Around midnight last night, I was chatting with my friend Hanwen, who was concerned about how much pain I was in.
Hanwen urged me to take some stronger painkillers to stop the pain. I took a Tramadol, and went to sleep until 11 this morning....gotta love your strong drugs.

The tablet is slow release, meaning I've been very dopey all day....not much use to anyone, but having a bit of a chat with God throughout the day.

I started reading Why the Cross by Martin Robinson, but I currently have the attention span of a Trout, so I kept nodding off in the middle of it.

The thing that scares me is that by the time my back gets better, I will have to work for months to build up the stamina to hold a job, or go for a proper walk, or to do any of my prac, which starts in only a couple of months.....eeeek!

What on earth do you have in mind for this, God????